7 Practical Democratic Parenting Tips That You Must Learn
How to implement a more democratic parenting style
The following tools are geared to acting in a way that works with your child without telling him what to do and/or how to feel (autocratic) or allowing him to run amuck without direction and boundaries (permissive).
- Let your child feel without judgment or trying to change the way they feel. Emotions are not right or wrong. Permissive and autocratic parents both try to control the child’s feelings. Permissive parents tend to do whatever it takes to keep the child from feeling. Autocratic parents tend to downplay or control the feeling by saying things like “You are OK.” Instead, validate their feelings. Usually, that could just mean saying “I see that you are feeling ___.” Or just look at them with love and rub their back as they work through it.
- Remember that sometimes life is the best teacher and ask yourself “What is the worst that can happen?” Getting dirty, scraping a knee, getting stung by an ant or bee, and eating dirt are all unpleasant experiences that teach lifelong lessons. They even produce opportunities to connect and nurture your child while they tell you what happened.
- Provide realistic options that set boundaries and work for you. The other day I needed to take a nap so I gave my two boys a choice, go outside and play or play quietly in their room. To my surprise, they choose to play quietly in their rooms and I got an hour nap!
- Make agreements ahead of time so that you have already agreed on how to act in certain situations. Bedtime routines are great for these agreements. “If you choose to play a second game, then there is no time for a book.”
- Tell your child what you expect of him ahead of time. Now that my sons are old enough, I tell them what I expect of them at night if they wake up. “If you wake up at night, I expect you to go to the bathroom and then get back in bed and warm-up, if you are still scared after warming up in bed for a few minutes, you may tiptoe into our room and sneak into bed without waking us up.”
- For the permissive parent, remember that solutions have to work for you first.
- For the autocratic parent, remember that peace is your first goal in any interaction.
Article by Parenting Instructor Jeff Everage
