What did the Summer Olympics teach this mom about encouraging children?

Olympic Encouragement

I’m not the biggest sports fan. I’m really only interested in watching the games my son plays in. But there’s just something about the Summer Olympic Games. Maybe it’s the unique combination of intense skill, competition, camaraderie, and sportsmanship that we don’t see in regular sporting events. Maybe it’s the human drama behind these world class athletes—the struggles and sacrifices each has made to get to compete on the Olympic stage. Whatever it is, every 4 years I catch Olympic fever.

Great Expectations

One of the most anticipated events of the 2012 Summer Olympic Games was the men’s swimming events.  All eyes were on American swimmer Michael Phelps to repeat his stellar performance at the 2008 games, during which he won 8 gold medals, smashing a few world records along the way. On top of that he was also poised to break the record of most medals ever won by a single Olympian. All he needed was 2 more to earn that distinction.

Imagine the pressure Phelps must have been under as he crouched on the starting block before the first race of the 2012 games. And imagine his, and an entire nation’s, disappointment when he came in 4^th place.

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Straight from his 4^th place finish and still dripping pool water, a microphone was immediately shoved in his face by a reporter. He hadn’t even had a minute to dry off, let alone process what had happened, and he was expected to explain himself and his lackluster performance to the entire world. Not surprisingly, Phelps did not have a whole lot to say about it. The reporter, as persistent as any good reporter should be, badgered him repeatedly about how it felt not to medal for the first time in an Olympic race since 2000.

Can Discouraging Words Crush the Competitive Edge?

I must have had my Mommy Hat on as I watched all this unfold, because the following questions kept blaring inside my head: “What if this discouraging interview affects his performance in all his upcoming races? What if this reporter just totally killed his mojo?”

I know, I know. The “head game,” or mental and emotional aspect, is just as important as the physical game when you’re a professional athlete. These kinds of interviews are par for the course. You can’t blame the media for your shortfalls. And when you’re as seasoned as Michael Phelps, you’ve probably also been trained in what to say whether you win or lose. He’s developed a pretty thick skin after all these years. It probably didn’t affect his psyche or competitive edge one tiny bit.

But what if it did? Even if it was just one tiny bit?

First Contact Interactions Can Be Crucial

This makes me more aware of how impactful our “first contact” interactions with others can be. What kind of impressions are we leaving with the people we touch, especially right after they’ve experienced an emotional event? Are we a positive force or a negative one?

And then I started to think about my son, who is only 9. His skin isn’t quite so thick yet. And while he isn’t competing in the Olympics, at this age, everything he tries is a big deal to him. What have I done or said to him in the past to “kill his mojo,” even just one tiny bit?

I want to be a touchstone for him when he needs encouragement and support, so I’ve come up with some ways that I can be that.

Olympic Encouragement Every Day

1. I will give my child space after a disappointment. If he needs a hug, I’ll give it. If he needs some space, I’ll give it. When he wants to talk about it, I’ll be ready.
2. I will ask him questions after victories, like what he did to achieve his goal, what he did differently from the last time, and what his favorite part of the journey was.
3. I won’t lay it on thick with the praise. When my son does well, I won’t go overboard with the praise. I don’t want him thinking that he’s good enough only when he performs well.
4. I won’t lie to him. I’m not going to tell my son he did great when he didn’t. Kids are smart, and they’ll know when you’re being false. By lying to him, I might actually be sending the message that I don’t really think he’s capable of doing better.
5. I won’t belittle his goals. If he wants to become an Olympic soccer player I won’t tell him that it’s an unattainable dream. It’s not. I’ll tell him that if he truly wants it, he’ll have to work hard and practice like a maniac, just as champions have to. And that I’ll help how I can.

Buckets Full of Self-Esteem

The happy ending to all this is that Michael Phelps did break the world record, winning his 19th Olympic medal at the time of this post, more than any other single athlete in the history of the Olympics. So I guess that reporter didn’t kill his mojo after all. I would venture to guess his mother has a lot to do with that.

“Parents need to fill a child’s bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can’t poke enough holes to drain it dry.” You can do that with a dose of Olympic Encouragement every day.

by Pamela Layug Laney