The What If Game: A Parenting Tool for All Ages, All Situations

Do you ever wonder what your child would do if they encountered a new, unpleasant situation without you there to guide them, like toy-snatching at preschool, a bullying issue in grade school, or even peer pressure to do drugs in high school? There’s a very simple parenting tool out there to help prepare your kids for conflicts or issues they may encounter, even before they happen– and it works for any age level and any imaginable situation.

Prepare Your Kids with the What If Game

As parents, we worry about our children constantly. Although we want to protect our kids from absolutely everything, it’s impossible (and unhealthy) for us to be with them all the time, making all their decisions for them. The best we can do is pass on our values and principles, and equip them with the tools they need to tackle life’s obstacles. Still, how can we be assured that our children will know what to do or say when a brand new issue comes up?

Parenting experts Susie Walton and Jeff Everage suggest playing the What If Game to explore different scenarios and to discuss different ways to handle them.

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Walton explains, “At dinner time or in the car or when you’re just hanging out with them, say I want to play the What If Game. What if someone comes up to you at school and takes your basketball away from you? Or what if you see two other kids fighting? Or what if you wanted something that someone else had at school? What if you saw this or that? How would you handle that? And then you can actually talk about it with them.”

The What If Game Works for Any Situation

The range of scenarios you can explore with your children is tremendous:

• Bullying
• Fighting
• Lying
• Stranger awareness
• Peer pressure
• Manners
• Anger management
• Embarrassment
• Sportsmanship
• Misunderstandings with friends
• Jealousy (either one’s own or someone else’s)
• Gossip
• Standing up for yourself

“Think up situations that you think would be pertinent to them,” says Walton.

Another wonderful aspect of the What If Game is that you can invite your child to think of scenarios themselves. This could give you better insight to what your kids are actually experiencing or witnessing when they’re not with you.  The things they bring up might surprise you.

Role Play Is Key

“To me the number one thing about the What If Game is role playing it out after you discuss what you would do,” explains Walton. “Acting out a situation shows kids what it would look and sound like to do the right thing. The role play anchors it for them.”

You can also try doing a role-reversal when you act out the scenarios with your kids. Reversing roles, where the parent plays the child and the child takes on the role of the other person (e.g., the parent, the bully, the teacher, the friend), offers both parent and child the unique opportunity to experience the situation from another person’s perspective. Getting in your child’s shoes might give you a better appreciation for what it’s like to be their age, and your child might be able to better appreciate the other side of the story.

The What-If Game Works for All Ages

Parenting expert Jeff Everage agrees with Walton about the merits of the What If Game. “Parents have the ability to actually rehearse these situations before they actually encounter them. What a great parenting tool!”

As children grow, new challenges arise for them. The What If Game can grow with them. As they get older you might stop calling it a “Game,” but it’s essentially the same principle of discussing a situation and how we could approach it before it happens.

“There’s a continuum on the ability to rehearse,” explains Everage. “With super young children you can’t [rehearse] yet, but there comes a point where you can actually use their dolls. Their stuffed animals are actually great tools to model situations. And when you move on to older children, then you can talk through it.”

Walton thinks the What If Game is a brilliant way to approach future conflicts. “Role play it out. Anchor it. Be the proactive parent. You don’t have to wait for something to show up to handle it.”

Everage adds, “Your kids are going to love this game. And they’re going to love the interaction with you as well.”

by Pamela Layug Laney